Sure, planning a fancy candlelit dinner for which you actually shave your legs or a weekend getaway with sun and lots of margaritas can temporarily restore the spark in a relationship, but what about keeping the spark alive in your mundane daily routine—when there are no white beaches or spicy margaritas, when you aren't eating steak and gulping red wine by candlelight, and when your legs are more werewolf than human? The lazy girl in me cringes at the following remark, but the fact is that it takes effort to keep the spark alive in an LTR. The good news is that if you're with the right one (dare I say, "The One"), it won't feel like an effort.
Why do individuals lose "the spark" in the first place?
Couples lose their spark for a variety of reasons, including long distances, conflicting schedules, or developing anger. However, even in the finest relationships, romanticism will fade if you don't work on it. If you're a scientist (which I clearly am not), think of it as a muscle: if you don't use it, it weakens. As the days, months, and years pass, butterflies become to-do lists, and a relationship may become a habit. Life may seem demanding and hectic due to jobs, commitments, or children. Having a spouse who is the one consistent or sure thing in your life is wonderful — rom-com material, even! — but it may also make it easier to prioritize your partner and your relationship when you know they're a given.Not spending enough quality time together and focusing less on the relationship might leave you both feeling somewhat dissatisfied, undervalued, or even miserable. Rewind your rom-com and, in the words of Taylor Swift (aka the only person my 13-year-old self needed to consult about love issues), "Sparks Fly" again with these 10 strategies to keep the romance alive in your relationship:
How to Maintain the Spark in a Relationship
1. Request something fresh every week
Knowing what "the spark" means to you is the first step in keeping it alive. Because we all have distinct love languages, it's possible that what makes you feel loved and appreciated differs from what makes your spouse feel loved and appreciated. This implies that we offer and exhibit love in a variety of ways. Instead of expecting that your spouse would show your love in the manner you want or experiencing anger when they do not, trust your relationship enough to ask for what you want.Make it a game by thinking up something really specific that you each have to focus on for the week at the start of each week. Perhaps you'd want them to organize a surprise date, send you flowers one day, or complement your appearance. Perhaps they'll want more one-on-one time with you or more positive comments on their efforts. Although it is only meant to last a week, actions will teach your spouse not just what makes you feel loved, but also how to make you feel loved. If they see how delighted you are when they do anything once or twice, whether it's organizing a date night or complementing the startling color of your eyes, it will become routine.
2. Turn off your phone
Okay, so maybe this one is a touch cliche. I mean, you've been instructed to put your phone away at the dinner table since you were a pre-teen—you've heard it from your mother enough, and you don't need to hear it from me. If I know anything about mobile phone addiction (and I do), I know how simple it is for that sneaky little iPhone to sneak into your life when you're watching Netflix, driving in the vehicle, or even having dinner together. As innocuous as a TikTok scroll may seem, cherish every moment you spend together. When you're enjoying a meal, a chat, or a good old-fashioned binge-watching session, put your phone aside. When you're together, stay present.3. Maintain eye contact
Romance does not have to be ignited by great gestures or public shows of affection—intimacy occurs in the smallest of moments. Making eye contact with your spouse has scientific support (see, I can be scientific!)—it generates neuronal synchronization and releases oxytocin. Eye contact makes your brain feel more linked to another person, in words that didn't originate from a chemical textbook.When you're talking, make eye contact so your spouse knows you're listening and can better connect with you (again, put the phone away!). When you're in a crowded room or out at a party, try to lock eyes across the room (there's a reason it's a classic rom-com meet-cute! ), or keep eye contact longer than you normally do in random situations (but not for too long that it goes all serial killer—10 seconds of eye contact and a cute little smirk is plenty).
4. Experiment with something new together
Break out of your routine, whether it's going to a different location or enrolling in a new culinary class. We frequently get numb to many of the reasons we love and respect our Sig Oth when we're locked in a routine (mine certainly enjoys the fact that I sometimes refer to him as my "Sig Oth"). Trying something new is not only thrilling and interesting but seeing your spouse in a completely different situation can teach you things you never knew about them and/or remind you why you fell in love with them in the first place. You could fall in love with them all over again... you've been warned!5. Spend some time away
Whether your regular relationship is to spend every waking hour connected at the hip like Mary Kate and Ashley (during the early 2000s), or you've been living thousands of miles away for years, time apart might be beneficial. Even whether it's simply an hour at a hot yoga class or a weekend away on a ladies' vacation, spending some time apart will allow your spouse to miss you and vice versa. Doing your own thing will also provide you with something fresh to catch up on and discuss, breaking you out of your typical pattern. I don't think I need to suggest self-care, but spending time for yourself and doing what you want every now and then will boost your confidence. And we've all seen what occurs when a woman leads with confidence... hi there, spark!6. Begin a dialogue
When was the last time you really spoke to your partner? A talk that didn't entail to-do lists or happen in the few minutes before bedtime? Sharing a genuine, emotional connection entails talking about your future, caring about what's on the other person's mind, fantasizing together, or reconnecting about your relationship's demands. If your only talks these days begin with "How was work?" or "Here's what we have to accomplish tomorrow," attempt to initiate a more in-depth discussion.During dinner, ask, "What is something you want to do but are afraid of?" may ask, "What's your favorite thing about our relationship?" before going to bed. According to psychology, it takes five positive events for every bad encounter (such as a fight or argument) to feel like you're in a joyful, exciting relationship. Even if it's challenging, try to make the bulk of your interactions interesting, humorous, or entertaining. The remainder might be humdrum scheduling, conflicts, or routine.
7. Kiss
Remember when making out by the lockers was the thing to do as a teenager? And it was so thrilling because it was the only thing to do. Times have changed (for the better), but make sure kissing remains a component of your relationship. I don't mean kissing in general (I hope you're not thinking in Pretty Woman's terms), but rather kissing that's spontaneous and meaningful, as in high school. Kissing should not be limited to merely saying hello and goodbye or initiating intimacy. When there's no expectation or purpose for it—when you're going out to dinner, in the midst of a discussion, or simply to spontaneously remind them you love them—kiss deeply and passionately.8. Make laughing with others a primary priority
Laughter is not only the finest medicine, but it is also the best-kept secret for keeping the flame alive. You know how you can make a joke about a fight or an event and say, "Someday we'll laugh at this?" Why put it off till someday? When you're in it for the long haul, there's nothing to take too seriously—when you can, find the comedy in your fights or awkward situations.Watching something you know will make you laugh and create inside jokes as much as it will help you establish trust. Bring up humorous memories, email your partner memes that reflect your common sense of humor, and tease each other like middle schoolers. Life is too brief to take things too seriously, particularly when doing so extinguishes your fire.
9. Make an effort to impress one another
If you're in a long-term relationship, your spouse has probably seen you through post-Taco Bell bloat, the heavy day hell on your period, and maybe the delivery of a kid or two. Sure, your lover has probably seen you at your worst—after all, love is seeing someone at their worst and treating them as though they are at their finest. But do you remember when you used to dress up for them? Perhaps you put on a full face of makeup only to see a movie together at first, or you donned your most beautiful clothing for a simple dinner date. Channel the same drive to impress them and make an effort to look and feel your best, whether it's putting on body oil after a shower (also serves as self-care!) or wearing high heels to a dinner date.For this one, you must both be on the same page. If you make an effort and your spouse doesn't notice or tries to impress you, you'll feel underappreciated. If they're the kind of person who tells you how gorgeous you are even when you're not wearing heels or contouring properly (who cares? ), and if they want to constantly make you proud and wow you, they deserve a little extra effort now and again, whatever that effort means to you.
10. Make a change instead of expecting for a change from your spouse
If you are continuously urging your spouse to say or do more romantic things, it might seem like nagging. Instead of always asking, consider how much more you can give to your mate. When you're with the proper person, they'll notice your additional effort and feel compelled to reciprocate. Be liberal with your devotion, and if you really love them, show it.If everything else fails, consider the behaviors you both displayed at the start of your relationship. Consider how you felt about them, how you treated them, and how much you wanted to make them happy. If you behave as if it's the beginning, it could never end. *Insert Happily Ever After*
